robpannell.com

SPAM!

I recently changed my main personal email address due to heavy spam. I was pretty gutted cos it’s an address that I really liked and it had been spam free for years. Anyway, the damage was done so I cut it off and made me a new one. I emailed a few friends to let them know the new address and why it had changed.

One friend (a fellow member of our church worship band)  decided that spam free was no way for me to live, and so sent me this amongst others:

FOR JUST £75* A MONTH YOU CAN ADOPT AND SUPPORT YOUR VERY OWN SEAMONKEY, HELPING US TO SUSTAIN DWINDLING WORLDWIDE POPULATIONS OF THIS RAREST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL OF CREATURES.

FEED YOUR OWN SENSE OF SMUG SELF-SATISFACTION AND SIGN UP TODAY FOR JUST £75* A MONTH – IN RETURN YOUR NEWLY ADOPTED SEAMONKEY WILL SEND YOU A SIGNED PHOTOGRAPH OF ITSELF DOING A TWO-HANDED THUMBS-UP GESTURE AND WEARING A PARTY HAT, AS WELL AS WRITING TO YOU TWICE ANNUALLY TO UPDATE YOU ON IT’S SOCIAL AND EDUCATIONAL PROGRESS IN IT’S NEW HOME AT SEAMONKEYTOWN.

IF YOU WITHDRAW YOUR FUNDING AT ANY TIME, YOUR SEAMONKEY, WHICH TO THIS POINT WILL HAVE BEEN ENJOYING A NEWFOUND QUALITY OF LIFE, WILL BE DRAGGED OUT OF IT’S NEW HOUSE BY IT FEELERS AND UNCEREMONIOUSLY SHOT.

THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE FOR CARING,
YOURS,
THE MAYOR OF SEAMONKEYTOWN

in response to this, our worship pastor no less (who was cc’d in from my original message) continued with this:

Please beware bogus imitations of this appeal on behalf of TreeHaddocks

FOR JUST £55* A MONTH YOU CAN ADOPT AND SUPPORT YOUR VERY OWN TREEHADDOCK, HELPING US TO SUSTAIN DWINDLING WORLDWIDE POPULATIONS OF THIS RAREST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL OF CREATURES.

FEED YOUR OWN SENSE OF SMUG SELF-SATISFACTION AND SIGN UP TODAY FOR JUST £55* A MONTH – IN RETURN YOUR NEWLY ADOPTED TREEHADDOCK WILL SEND YOU A SIGNED PHOTOGRAPH OF ITSELF DOING A DORSAL FIN WIGGLY GESTURE WHILST WEARING A CAPTAIN BIRD’S EYE TEE-SHIRT, AS WELL AS WRITING TO YOU TWICE ANNUALLY TO UPDATE YOU ON IT’S SOCIAL AND EDUCATIONAL PROGRESS IN IT’S NEW HOME AT TREEHADDOCKVILLE ON SEA..

IF YOU WITHDRAW YOUR FUNDING AT ANY TIME, YOUR TREEHADDOCK, WHICH TO THIS POINT WILL HAVE BEEN ENJOYING A NEWFOUNDLAND QUALITY OF LIFE, WILL BE DRAGGED OUT OF IT’S NEW HOUSE BY ITS NETHER REGIONS AND UNCEREMONIOUSLY SHOT.

THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE FOR CARING,
YOURS,

THE MAYOR OF TREEHADDOCKVILLE ON SEA..
<SPAMSPAMSPAM.jpg>

*plus £200,000 seafront administrative fee

offer not available in Republic of Ireland, Somalia and some parts of Hove.

So I felt it my duty, bearing in mind we are all members of a Baptist church, to respond in like:

ADOPT A BAPTIST.

FOR JUST £9.95 A MONTH YOU CAN ADOPT AND SUPPORT** YOUR VERY OWN BAPTIST MISSIONARY, HELPING US TO SUSTAIN DWINDLING WORLDWIDE POPULATIONS OF THIS RAREST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL OF CREATURES.

FEED YOUR OWN SENSE OF SMUG SELF-SATISFACTION AND SIGN UP TODAY FOR JUST £9.95 A MONTH – IN RETURN YOUR NEWLY ADOPTED BAPTIST WILL MOVE INTO YOUR ATTIC SPACE AND SCARE AWAY THE MICE. YOU WILL ALSO RECEIVE A FREE TEE-SHIRT, WITH THE SLOGAN “I’M DOING JESUS A FAVOUR, ARE YOU?”

IN ADDITION THE FOUNDERS OF THE SCHEME WILL WRITE TO YOU TWICE ANUALLY TO APOLOGISE FOR THE MESS THEY’VE GOTTEN YOU INTO AS WELL AS TO REMIND YOU OF THE NO-GET-OUT-CLAUSE CONTRACT YOU SIGNED.

IF YOU WITHDRAW YOUR FUNDING AT ANY TIME, YOUR BAPTIST, WHICH TO THIS POINT WILL HAVE BEEN ENJOYING A NEWFOUNDLAND QUALITY OF LIFE, WILL DRAG YOU OUT OF YOUR HOUSE BY YOUR NETHER REGIONS AND UNCEREMONIOUSLY SHOOT YOU (HAVING MADE YOU SIGN YOUR ASSETS OVER TO US).

THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE FOR CARING,

YOURS,

THE MAYOR OF BAPTFORD…

**do not feed your Baptist between 0:00 and 05.30. This will result in your Baptist becoming a Pentecostal. God help you then.